Eighth in a series.
The previous post and this one discuss this quote from chapter two of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle:
The [suffering] that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, resistance is some form of judgment. On the level of emotion, it is some form of negativity. (The Power of Now, page 33)
The purpose of this post is to deal with the negativity that arises from emotions. Tolle's premise, as re-stated for those of us who live with chronic pain, is that we create our own suffering by not accepting the pain in the present moment, the Now: instead, we resist it unconsciously. Mental resistance, or thought, is what I posted about in my last post. Emotional resistance to our pain, the subject of this post, is expressed as negativity.
Before continuing, I want to reiterate two points:
It is only natural -- indeed, it arises out of our instinct for survival -- to resist or flee physical pain, so there is no need to feel guilty or cowardly or inadequate in some way. It's built into us.
Although Tolle often uses the words "suffering" and "pain" interchangeably, I make a clear distinction between them. Pain is physical -- it happens to us. Suffering is mental and emotional -- we do it to ourselves. Suffering is our inner commentary about the pain.
When my inner commentary is both below the conscious level and negative, I begin to whine. Or complain. Or get angry at small things. Or sit around in a stupor. Or take no pleasure in the goodness around me. Or...you get the point.
Whining, complaining, being angry and all the things I do when caught in an unconscious reaction to pain only make the pain worse. There are physiological, neurological and chemical reasons for this (this link provides good explanations specifically linked to stress, another word, as far as I am concerned, for causing ourselves suffering).
So my goal becomes this: to learn how I am making the pain worse and stop doing it. As with so many things in life, it's more complicated (or, at least, we make it more complicated) than it seems. But here are a few steps to try:
1. Use the link two paragraphs above, or conduct your own search about how physical pain is made worse by our emotional and mental reactions to it. It really helps me to understand that my stressed-out reactions actually increase muscle pain, make my head pound harder and my stomach more upset. This understanding leads me to what is called a no-brainer: shall I continue making my pain worse, or shall I stop making my pain worse?
2. Given that it is natural to feel negative about pain, much of our emotional reaction to it springs from our unconscious mind. That, of course, gives it more power over us. So the second step is to bring our emotional and mental resistance to consciousness, which means simply to realize when we are doing it. And that, since many of us live unconsciously most of the time (which is Tolle's main point in most of his writing), is not easy. I will write about it in some detail in the next post, although your best bet is to get Tolle's book.
3. Now that I understand how I am making my pain worse and am practicing bringing my inner life to consciousness, I move on to the third step: I develop tools, strategies and practices that help me stop making my pain worse. I have blogged about this many, many times, so rather than re-state, I'll just direct you to the right-hand column where you'll find a section called LABELS. If you click on breathing, mantras, methods, tools, meditation and relaxation, you will find many ideas for pain management.
A brief summary:
1. Learn how your mental and emotional reactions to physical pain actually cause more physical pain.
2. Bring those reactions to consciousness, so you can take away their power over you.
3. Develop tools, strategies and practices that help you stop making your pain worse.
Finally, by bringing our suffering to consciousness and accepting the pain without making it worse, we are learning to do what Tolle writes about -- live in the Now. In the Now is where we find peace, tranquility, and wisdom. The fact that it is our pain that led us there is just one of the great ironies of life.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment box below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
09 February 2012
"The Power of Now" and Pain Management: Resistance
Seventh in a series.
It took me a long time to learn what Eckhart Tolle meant when he said:
The [suffering] that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, resistance is some form of judgment. On the level of emotion, it is some form of negativity. (The Power of Now, page 33)
The purpose of this series of posts about Tolle's book, The Power of Now, is to relate what he has to say about suffering, our minds and egos, and the present moment to life in chronic pain. And what Tolle says about suffering and how we bring it upon ourselves has possibly even greater relevance -- or, at the least, urgency -- when we are in physical pain.
NOTE: Tolle tends to use the words, "suffering" and "pain" interchangeably. For myself, and for the purposes of clarity, I like to keep them separate: suffering is what we cause ourselves and is mental or emotional; pain happens with illness or injury and is physical.
So, back to the quote above -- specifically, what it means if you are living with chronic pain. If the suffering we cause ourselves is some form of nonacceptance, a kind of unconscious resistance, isn't your first reaction to say, "Damn right! The [whatever form of chronic pain you have] is killing me and I hate it. I do not have to accept this pain." That's natural, in the way it's natural to snatch your hand back from a hot burner. Our ingrained survival habit is to flee or get rid of the pain, and there are all sorts of bodily responses that go along with that habit, including adrenaline rushes and muscles that leap into action.
But. In the case of chronic pain, just because it's natural doesn't mean it's good for us. These natural and inherited responses to pain become problematic with chronic pain because although perfectly understandable, they cause more pain. I have written about this vicious cycle in several other posts, but in this and the next post I am focusing on the two forms of resistance as Tolle talks about them: thought, which is judgment; and emotion, which is negativity.
JUDGING PAIN
Tolle does not say that thinking and judging are bad in and of themselves. But when they are habitual and unconscious, they take over our perceptions and bring us suffering. Thus, when we have chronic pain, we judge it and in judging it, make it worse.
When I worked with recovering addicts, they would share about the trouble they caused themselves when they "got all up in their heads." I like this phrase as a way to relate to suffering. When I am all up in my head about a migraine, my thoughts go something like this:
"Oh, no. This is not good. It's coming, a right-side migraine, the worst. It's already pounding. Another day curled up on my bed with the blindfold on...how will I walk the dog?...and there's nothing to cook for dinner...can't go to the store now...starting to feel sick and how can I take the medicine on an upset stomach?" I could go on with this, but I'll spare you.
The more I think like this, the more tense my muscles become in response to the mental stress. The more tense my muscles, the more pain in my shoulders and neck, which makes the migraine pain worse. And there's more. As I think in this way, I become anxious, my stomach becomes more upset, my heart beats faster and that makes my head pound more.
So, I am all up in my head and the pain that I am judging so harshly and thinking about so obsessively is worse than it was before I started all the thinking.
It's time to learn to stop obsessive thinking and to re-frame the judging of the pain. Meditation, meditative breathing, and practices such as yoga and chanting are my tools for halting obsessive thinking. The resulting calm and quiet mental state is perfect for re-framing the judgment, although usuallyit's not needed because the mind is still. But re-framing, if needed, would go something like this:
"A migraine." Deep, slow breath. "First, walk the dog, then find the blindfold, remember the glass of water." Deep, slow breath.
Pain felt in a relaxed body and mind is much easier to take than pain felt in a tense, upset body and mind. It's as simple as that.
The next post will be about emotional resistance to pain.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link, below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
It took me a long time to learn what Eckhart Tolle meant when he said:
The [suffering] that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, resistance is some form of judgment. On the level of emotion, it is some form of negativity. (The Power of Now, page 33)
The purpose of this series of posts about Tolle's book, The Power of Now, is to relate what he has to say about suffering, our minds and egos, and the present moment to life in chronic pain. And what Tolle says about suffering and how we bring it upon ourselves has possibly even greater relevance -- or, at the least, urgency -- when we are in physical pain.
NOTE: Tolle tends to use the words, "suffering" and "pain" interchangeably. For myself, and for the purposes of clarity, I like to keep them separate: suffering is what we cause ourselves and is mental or emotional; pain happens with illness or injury and is physical.
So, back to the quote above -- specifically, what it means if you are living with chronic pain. If the suffering we cause ourselves is some form of nonacceptance, a kind of unconscious resistance, isn't your first reaction to say, "Damn right! The [whatever form of chronic pain you have] is killing me and I hate it. I do not have to accept this pain." That's natural, in the way it's natural to snatch your hand back from a hot burner. Our ingrained survival habit is to flee or get rid of the pain, and there are all sorts of bodily responses that go along with that habit, including adrenaline rushes and muscles that leap into action.
But. In the case of chronic pain, just because it's natural doesn't mean it's good for us. These natural and inherited responses to pain become problematic with chronic pain because although perfectly understandable, they cause more pain. I have written about this vicious cycle in several other posts, but in this and the next post I am focusing on the two forms of resistance as Tolle talks about them: thought, which is judgment; and emotion, which is negativity.
JUDGING PAIN
Tolle does not say that thinking and judging are bad in and of themselves. But when they are habitual and unconscious, they take over our perceptions and bring us suffering. Thus, when we have chronic pain, we judge it and in judging it, make it worse.
When I worked with recovering addicts, they would share about the trouble they caused themselves when they "got all up in their heads." I like this phrase as a way to relate to suffering. When I am all up in my head about a migraine, my thoughts go something like this:
"Oh, no. This is not good. It's coming, a right-side migraine, the worst. It's already pounding. Another day curled up on my bed with the blindfold on...how will I walk the dog?...and there's nothing to cook for dinner...can't go to the store now...starting to feel sick and how can I take the medicine on an upset stomach?" I could go on with this, but I'll spare you.
The more I think like this, the more tense my muscles become in response to the mental stress. The more tense my muscles, the more pain in my shoulders and neck, which makes the migraine pain worse. And there's more. As I think in this way, I become anxious, my stomach becomes more upset, my heart beats faster and that makes my head pound more.
So, I am all up in my head and the pain that I am judging so harshly and thinking about so obsessively is worse than it was before I started all the thinking.
It's time to learn to stop obsessive thinking and to re-frame the judging of the pain. Meditation, meditative breathing, and practices such as yoga and chanting are my tools for halting obsessive thinking. The resulting calm and quiet mental state is perfect for re-framing the judgment, although usuallyit's not needed because the mind is still. But re-framing, if needed, would go something like this:
"A migraine." Deep, slow breath. "First, walk the dog, then find the blindfold, remember the glass of water." Deep, slow breath.
Pain felt in a relaxed body and mind is much easier to take than pain felt in a tense, upset body and mind. It's as simple as that.
The next post will be about emotional resistance to pain.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link, below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
30 January 2012
LEGACIES: Old Reputations, Young Lives
My father attended Penn State on the GI Bill after serving in World War II. Throughout his life, he never stopped expressing his loyalty to the former and his gratitude for the latter. Other family members have attended that fine university, have lauded its educational standards and cheered for its teams. So I write this commentary with a long-time sense of how a school can shape generations.
It is deeply sad that Joe Paterno's last months were overshadowed by his firing because of what happened on his staff, in his domain. By all accounts, this was a man of integrity, intelligence, love for his atheletes, and a generous loyalty to his university that he made manifest in how he managed his salary as well as in the gifts he made to school and students.
It is infinitely heartbreaking that so many boys' lives are now overshadowed by the evil perpetrated upon them by Sandusky and all those who allowed it to go unaddressed. By all accounts, this horror was known by most of the persons with power to stop it, and all of them chose to protect their own and the school's legacy rather than that of these vulnerable boys.
Let's put this into perspective.
I am sad for Mr. Paterno and his family. I am outraged for the boys and their families.
Mr. Paterno will ever have an asterisk attached to his otherwise wonderful legacy. The abused and then ignored boys will ever bear in their hearts and minds and bodies a torturous indignity that is the legacy of sexual abuse.
Mr. Paterno suffered greatly, I have no doubt, after the firing from his job in what turned out to be the last months of his life. The abused and then ignored boys suffered and will suffer greatly, I have no doubt, in the long years ahead of them that will be fraught with mental and emotional anguish.
"A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." (Attributed variously to Mahatma Ghandi, Winston Churchill and others)
As long as we place our reputations, our work, our institutional stability, the sports we follow, our wealth, our power and whatever else we hold valuable before the protection of the least among us, we are not a great people.
' "Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or needing clothes, or sick or in prison did we not help you?" He will reply, "I tell you the truth: whatever you did not do for the least among you, you did not do for me."' (Matthew 25:45)
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
It is deeply sad that Joe Paterno's last months were overshadowed by his firing because of what happened on his staff, in his domain. By all accounts, this was a man of integrity, intelligence, love for his atheletes, and a generous loyalty to his university that he made manifest in how he managed his salary as well as in the gifts he made to school and students.
It is infinitely heartbreaking that so many boys' lives are now overshadowed by the evil perpetrated upon them by Sandusky and all those who allowed it to go unaddressed. By all accounts, this horror was known by most of the persons with power to stop it, and all of them chose to protect their own and the school's legacy rather than that of these vulnerable boys.
Let's put this into perspective.
I am sad for Mr. Paterno and his family. I am outraged for the boys and their families.
Mr. Paterno will ever have an asterisk attached to his otherwise wonderful legacy. The abused and then ignored boys will ever bear in their hearts and minds and bodies a torturous indignity that is the legacy of sexual abuse.
Mr. Paterno suffered greatly, I have no doubt, after the firing from his job in what turned out to be the last months of his life. The abused and then ignored boys suffered and will suffer greatly, I have no doubt, in the long years ahead of them that will be fraught with mental and emotional anguish.
"A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members." (Attributed variously to Mahatma Ghandi, Winston Churchill and others)
As long as we place our reputations, our work, our institutional stability, the sports we follow, our wealth, our power and whatever else we hold valuable before the protection of the least among us, we are not a great people.
' "Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or needing clothes, or sick or in prison did we not help you?" He will reply, "I tell you the truth: whatever you did not do for the least among you, you did not do for me."' (Matthew 25:45)
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
17 January 2012
"The Power of Now" and Pain Management: Love, Joy, Peace
Sixth in a series
"And when I base my pain management on my spiritual life and in God, the coming together of physical practice, mental ease and spiritual depth results in much more than just managing of pain: it results in a better quality of life, and, I pray, makes me a better person."
That is a sentence from a previous post. I repeat it now because it's a nice segue to today's post. A few days after writing that sentence, I found myself commenting, on the blog of a friend, that I may not be working or accomplishing much because of the almost-constant migraine pain, but I can still strive to become a better person.
My spiritual life has always been about making me a more loving, joyful and peaceful person, regardless of my life circumstance. Why shouldn't pain management be about that, too? It's not that much of a leap, especially with Eckhart Tolle's help.
The best way I can think to explain what I mean is by a kind of rough syllogism:
And that is how I become a better person through managing my pain: I become more loving, more joyful as I begin to feel that I am inseparable from Being, from the Divine.
Notice that none of this is about thinking. We cannot think our way into connectedness with God. Tolle says that love, joy and peace arise from beyond the mind (page 29), and so the mind has no power to bring us to that state of inner connectedness to God.
No more can I think my way into pain management. My mind wants to wail about missing that party or fume about yet another day stuck indoors with the blindfold on. It's human to think like this, but that excuse quickly wears thin as pain perpetuates itself. Maybe it's human, and understandable, but it's also counter-productive.
Speaking of pain, this migraine is bothering me. It's time to practice what I preach. I'll continue these thoughts in my next post.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com .
"And when I base my pain management on my spiritual life and in God, the coming together of physical practice, mental ease and spiritual depth results in much more than just managing of pain: it results in a better quality of life, and, I pray, makes me a better person."
That is a sentence from a previous post. I repeat it now because it's a nice segue to today's post. A few days after writing that sentence, I found myself commenting, on the blog of a friend, that I may not be working or accomplishing much because of the almost-constant migraine pain, but I can still strive to become a better person.
My spiritual life has always been about making me a more loving, joyful and peaceful person, regardless of my life circumstance. Why shouldn't pain management be about that, too? It's not that much of a leap, especially with Eckhart Tolle's help.
The best way I can think to explain what I mean is by a kind of rough syllogism:
- Love and joy are "inseparable from your natural state of inner connectedness with Being." ("The Power of Now", Tolle, page 29)
- Pain management that is based in spirituality brings me to my inner connectedness with Being.
- Therefore, pain management is about love and joy.
And that is how I become a better person through managing my pain: I become more loving, more joyful as I begin to feel that I am inseparable from Being, from the Divine.
Notice that none of this is about thinking. We cannot think our way into connectedness with God. Tolle says that love, joy and peace arise from beyond the mind (page 29), and so the mind has no power to bring us to that state of inner connectedness to God.
No more can I think my way into pain management. My mind wants to wail about missing that party or fume about yet another day stuck indoors with the blindfold on. It's human to think like this, but that excuse quickly wears thin as pain perpetuates itself. Maybe it's human, and understandable, but it's also counter-productive.
Speaking of pain, this migraine is bothering me. It's time to practice what I preach. I'll continue these thoughts in my next post.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com .
09 January 2012
"The Power of Now" and Pain Management: Tools (2)
Fifth in a series.
Eckhart Tolle says that enlightenment is "your natural state of felt oneness with Being.
"It is a state if connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible, something that, almost paradoxically, is essentially you and yet is much greater than you." (The Power of Now, p. 12)
He goes on to say that it is the inability to feel this connection that creates the illusion of separation from the world around us, from the people around us, from God. Today's post is about how this concept comes together with pain management.
One of the paradoxes of pain management is that, instead of fleeing from or anesthetizing the pain, our best practice is to be aware of it -- to embrace it, as it were. Several years ago I read a book by Stephen and Ondrea Levine entitled, Who Dies?, in which they explain that, when we turn toward the pain, paying attention to it and then flooding it with awareness, we take away its power over us. For me, it seems to recede, become less significant; it loses that monolithic presence that looms over me and affects all I do.
There is only one way to test this theory: try it. I want to share with you some techniques I have developed over the years of nearly constant migraine pain, in the hope that they will help you.
1. Deep relaxation
I have posted about this practice before, in a discussion about inhabiting our bodies. For now, I'll just summarize by saying that deep relaxation is essential for my meditation and pain management practices. Deep relaxation methods include using the breath, focusing on major muscle groups, and practicing body awareness and visualization. There are many websites that teach deep relaxation. Here are a few:
* Inner Health Studio
* Mayo Clinic
* University of Maryland
A wonderful aspect of deep relaxation is that, after daily practice, it becomes so much a way of life that you don't need basic tools any more: your body simply learns to relax into pain and other unpleasant stimuli. You find yourself taking a deep breath during confrontation or stress or pain without ever having been aware that you decided to go into deep relaxation.
Just don't forget to breathe, deeply, slowly, throughout your practice.
2. Attend to the pain
Instead of running away from your pain, turn toward it. Name how it feels -- throbbing, icy, stabbing, pressure, fiery -- and then pay attention to how it changes. It can be helpful to know that pain does not remain a block of heavy and overwhelming feeling: it dances, it moves, it changes aspect. Following and naming it -- a habit that, admittedly, takes some discipline at first -- floods your pain with your awareness. Naming it takes some of the fear out of it.
3. Flood the pain
If you like and derive benefit from visualization, use your imagination: imagine a healing light, perhaps a soothing color, flooding the pain; picture a balmy summer breeze wafting through and dissipating it; visualize yourself by the ocean or in a sun-lit meadow.
4. Stay with it for a while
Remain in that calm state for a while. Fall asleep. Meditate. When you first begin, you will find that any movement or conversation forces you immediately out of your relaxed state. But as you practice, you will find that you are better able to maintain it even when moving on to the next activity.
After you have practised daily for a while, you will find that your body learns a new way of being, that you are able to call up the relaxation response without trouble, and even that it is readily available and already in gear before you consciously reach for it. It goes back to the quote that begins this post, doesn't it? Connecting with our pain connects us with our bodies. The resulting calm connects us with our spirits, and thus with God, or Being.
May you find your state of Being through your pain.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Connect link, below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
Eckhart Tolle says that enlightenment is "your natural state of felt oneness with Being.
"It is a state if connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible, something that, almost paradoxically, is essentially you and yet is much greater than you." (The Power of Now, p. 12)
He goes on to say that it is the inability to feel this connection that creates the illusion of separation from the world around us, from the people around us, from God. Today's post is about how this concept comes together with pain management.
One of the paradoxes of pain management is that, instead of fleeing from or anesthetizing the pain, our best practice is to be aware of it -- to embrace it, as it were. Several years ago I read a book by Stephen and Ondrea Levine entitled, Who Dies?, in which they explain that, when we turn toward the pain, paying attention to it and then flooding it with awareness, we take away its power over us. For me, it seems to recede, become less significant; it loses that monolithic presence that looms over me and affects all I do.
There is only one way to test this theory: try it. I want to share with you some techniques I have developed over the years of nearly constant migraine pain, in the hope that they will help you.
1. Deep relaxation
I have posted about this practice before, in a discussion about inhabiting our bodies. For now, I'll just summarize by saying that deep relaxation is essential for my meditation and pain management practices. Deep relaxation methods include using the breath, focusing on major muscle groups, and practicing body awareness and visualization. There are many websites that teach deep relaxation. Here are a few:
* Inner Health Studio
* Mayo Clinic
* University of Maryland
A wonderful aspect of deep relaxation is that, after daily practice, it becomes so much a way of life that you don't need basic tools any more: your body simply learns to relax into pain and other unpleasant stimuli. You find yourself taking a deep breath during confrontation or stress or pain without ever having been aware that you decided to go into deep relaxation.
Just don't forget to breathe, deeply, slowly, throughout your practice.
2. Attend to the pain
Instead of running away from your pain, turn toward it. Name how it feels -- throbbing, icy, stabbing, pressure, fiery -- and then pay attention to how it changes. It can be helpful to know that pain does not remain a block of heavy and overwhelming feeling: it dances, it moves, it changes aspect. Following and naming it -- a habit that, admittedly, takes some discipline at first -- floods your pain with your awareness. Naming it takes some of the fear out of it.
3. Flood the pain
If you like and derive benefit from visualization, use your imagination: imagine a healing light, perhaps a soothing color, flooding the pain; picture a balmy summer breeze wafting through and dissipating it; visualize yourself by the ocean or in a sun-lit meadow.
4. Stay with it for a while
Remain in that calm state for a while. Fall asleep. Meditate. When you first begin, you will find that any movement or conversation forces you immediately out of your relaxed state. But as you practice, you will find that you are better able to maintain it even when moving on to the next activity.
After you have practised daily for a while, you will find that your body learns a new way of being, that you are able to call up the relaxation response without trouble, and even that it is readily available and already in gear before you consciously reach for it. It goes back to the quote that begins this post, doesn't it? Connecting with our pain connects us with our bodies. The resulting calm connects us with our spirits, and thus with God, or Being.
May you find your state of Being through your pain.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Connect link, below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
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