Twelfth in a series.
It is insidious, really, how easy it is to become identified with a life circumstance like chronic pain. There is nothing shameful about it -- we all do it by finding our identity in such things as our work, family, wealth, intelligence, experiences -- and Tolle says that our egos bear the responsibility. The ego will grasp at anything to give it identity and meaning.
"Another aspect of the [suffering] that is an intrinsic part of the egoic mind is a deep-seated sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole. In some people, this is conscious, in others unconscious. If it is conscious, it manifests as the unsettling and constant feeling of not being worthy or good enough. If it is unconscious, it will only be felt indirectly as an intense craving, wanting and needing...people will often enter into a compulsive pursuit of ego-gratification and things to identify with in order to fill this hole they feel within." (page 45)
If we are in chronic pain, there's not a whole lot to grasp on to. In many cases, we have lost huge chunks of our lives: careers, relationships, income, and freedom of movement. But what Tolle tells us is that, as counter-intuitive as it seems, we are still compelled by our egos to clutch at something to identify with. For the insecure ego (and the ego is, by nature, insecure) being in pain is as good as anything else.
Here are some of the ways I catch my own ego grasping at the identity straw (I list these things because (1) it's good for my self-honesty to get them out there; (2) it strengthens my awareness, which helps to bring me into the Now; and (3) maybe you will recognize yourself and be relieved that you are not the only one):
1. Talking about my symptoms. It is amazing how often I repeat the litany of what is wrong: why pain, where pain, when pain, how much pain. Sometimes, I am sure, it makes sense -- for example, when my doctor asks me, or when another migraine-suffering soul wants to compare notes and connect. However, there are many other times when I begin reciting my woes with very little provocation. And sometimes, once I get started, it is really hard to stop.
2. Garnering sympathy. I never knew it until my husband pointed it out to me (bless his heart), but I have certain dramatic tendencies in the way I talk about and relate to the world around me. This served me well when I was on stage, back in another life, and still has its uses for story-telling and otherwise participating in a fun evening with friends. But it loses its allure when I indulge in drama as a way of getting sympathy. I am canny enough to be subtle about it, but it is still happening, and I do feel chagrin when I catch myself.
3. Fear. Tolle says that the insecurity of the ego has its greatest outcome in fear. "Because of its phantom nature, and despite elaborate defense mechanisms, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure, and it sees itself as constantly being under threat." (page 44) This means that because my ego grasps at the person-in-chronic-pain identity, it fears having the pain taken away. If my migraines are cured, my ego reasons, who am I? No one. I am dead. How unsettling is that? When it comes right down to it, there is a part of me that DOES NOT WANT TO GET WELL.
Phew. It feels good to get that out there.
But now my head is hurting from all this honesty. (See how I use my identity as person in pain to bring this post to a close?) In my next post, I'll write about becoming aware of the ego and its machinations.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
10 March 2012
The Power of Honesty
I wanted to write a post this morning. I thought I'd follow my usual routine of reviewing my notes in Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, then spend an hour or two writing a post, the eleventh in this series.
Except that, come right down to it (come write down to it?), I am unable to muster the energy because this morning I have a migraine, which is not unusual; and I am low in spirits, which is unusual.
I don't care to act the victim, or at least I try to catch myself when that temptation arises. So I'm not vying for sympathy, here. It's just that some days are harder than others, and there's no clear reason why, it just simply is that way. I don't judge this mood, I don't wish it away, I take a deep breath and accept it as what is Now. I am human, though, and I cannot resist just this one comment:
Except that, come right down to it (come write down to it?), I am unable to muster the energy because this morning I have a migraine, which is not unusual; and I am low in spirits, which is unusual.
I don't care to act the victim, or at least I try to catch myself when that temptation arises. So I'm not vying for sympathy, here. It's just that some days are harder than others, and there's no clear reason why, it just simply is that way. I don't judge this mood, I don't wish it away, I take a deep breath and accept it as what is Now. I am human, though, and I cannot resist just this one comment:
Chronic pain sucks.
05 March 2012
"The Power of Now" and Pain Management: The Ego in Pain
Eleventh in a series.
In my previous post I shared a list that I derived from a paragraph in Chapter Two of Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It teaches us about the alchemy of taking the base metal of suffering and turning it into the gold of spiritual awareness.
In this post, I want to discuss step #3: letting go of the impulse to make an identity out of being in pain.
Tolle explains that it is the "egoic mind" that seeks to give us an identity:
"Since the ego is a derived sense of self, it needs to identify with external things. It needs to be both defended and fed constantly. The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often also, political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications. None of these is you." (page 46)
I think that Tolle's ideas about the ego, stated briefly in the above quote, but also dealt with in many of his books, are the most important part of his teaching. These are richly provocative, even radical teachings that could be the subject of many a blog post, book group meeting, or passionate discussion. But as usual in this blog, I will stick to the subject at hand: chronic pain.
What Tolle is saying about the ego -- that it will grasp anything for identity out of a "...deep-seated sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole." (page 45) -- is true for those of us dealing with pain every day of our lives. It sounds counter-intuitive, doesn't it? I can just hear you thinking (as I did when first confronted with the idea): "WHAT? You think I WANT to be in this pain? You think I take pride in it? I'd let it go in an instant if I could."
Of course you would. Yet the fact is -- and I believe this is why Jesus had to ask in John 5:6: "Do you want to be healed?" -- there are ways in which being in pain serves our ego. If the insecure ego will grasp at anything for security, for an identity, then it will grasp at the role of suffering person in chronic pain just as quickly as it will grab at the role of smart person at the top of her industry. And it will just as easily find ways to nurture itself in the role of victim of pain as well: on compassionate attention from others; on the emotional safety of having an easy excuse for avoiding unpleasant things in life; on having something, anything, to identify with in an otherwise dramatically changed and circumscribed life.
These are not easy things to admit to ourselves. They are not easy for anyone in any circumstance. Tolle argues that we are so controlled by our egos and so accustomed to being so, that we do not even know it is happening. Our very society is grounded in the workings of our egos: sages like the Buddha, Hafiz, Jesus, and Ghandi knew this and spoke words that continue to feel radical to this day. To become aware, to allow the power of the Now to supplant power of the ego, is to approach spiritual enlightenment.
Just remember that your ego will quite happily grasp at the identity of spiritually aware person and then you are back where you started. It's humbling, to say the least.
In my next post, I share some more details about identifying with the life of pain.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
In my previous post I shared a list that I derived from a paragraph in Chapter Two of Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It teaches us about the alchemy of taking the base metal of suffering and turning it into the gold of spiritual awareness.
- Focus attention on the emotions or thoughts that are causing you to suffer.
- Accept that the suffering is there.
- Let go of thinking about it, judging it, analyzing it, whining about it. ESPECIALLY avoid making an identity (like being a Victim; I have posted about this before) out of it.
- Continue to observe the suffering. This is called being present, or staying in the Now.
In this post, I want to discuss step #3: letting go of the impulse to make an identity out of being in pain.
Tolle explains that it is the "egoic mind" that seeks to give us an identity:
"Since the ego is a derived sense of self, it needs to identify with external things. It needs to be both defended and fed constantly. The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often also, political, nationalistic, racial, religious and other collective identifications. None of these is you." (page 46)
I think that Tolle's ideas about the ego, stated briefly in the above quote, but also dealt with in many of his books, are the most important part of his teaching. These are richly provocative, even radical teachings that could be the subject of many a blog post, book group meeting, or passionate discussion. But as usual in this blog, I will stick to the subject at hand: chronic pain.
What Tolle is saying about the ego -- that it will grasp anything for identity out of a "...deep-seated sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole." (page 45) -- is true for those of us dealing with pain every day of our lives. It sounds counter-intuitive, doesn't it? I can just hear you thinking (as I did when first confronted with the idea): "WHAT? You think I WANT to be in this pain? You think I take pride in it? I'd let it go in an instant if I could."
Of course you would. Yet the fact is -- and I believe this is why Jesus had to ask in John 5:6: "Do you want to be healed?" -- there are ways in which being in pain serves our ego. If the insecure ego will grasp at anything for security, for an identity, then it will grasp at the role of suffering person in chronic pain just as quickly as it will grab at the role of smart person at the top of her industry. And it will just as easily find ways to nurture itself in the role of victim of pain as well: on compassionate attention from others; on the emotional safety of having an easy excuse for avoiding unpleasant things in life; on having something, anything, to identify with in an otherwise dramatically changed and circumscribed life.
These are not easy things to admit to ourselves. They are not easy for anyone in any circumstance. Tolle argues that we are so controlled by our egos and so accustomed to being so, that we do not even know it is happening. Our very society is grounded in the workings of our egos: sages like the Buddha, Hafiz, Jesus, and Ghandi knew this and spoke words that continue to feel radical to this day. To become aware, to allow the power of the Now to supplant power of the ego, is to approach spiritual enlightenment.
Just remember that your ego will quite happily grasp at the identity of spiritually aware person and then you are back where you started. It's humbling, to say the least.
In my next post, I share some more details about identifying with the life of pain.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
28 February 2012
The Alchemy of Transforming Suffering into Consciousness
Tenth in a series on Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now"
Alchemy -- an ancient philosophical tradition practiced by sages who claimed powers such as the ability to turn base metals into gold or silver -- is mentioned by Tolle in chapter two of "The Power of Now." In the following quote (page 40), he explains how this early scientific method relates to his work in the present day:
"Sustained consciousness severs the link between [suffering] and your thought processes and brings about the process of transmutation...This is the esoteric meaning of the ancient art of alchemy:the transmutation of base metal into gold, of suffering into consciousness." (emphasis mine)
Isn't this the very essence of our work with chronic pain and the spiritual life? The steps we take away from our mind- and emotion-caused suffering toward consciousness and choice are our very own alchemical process. We believe that we can take the base metal of suffering and turn it into the gold of spiritual awareness and peaceful presence to what is.
Tolle tells us that we have the power, we are the alchemists:
"Let me summarize the process. Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is [suffering]. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it--don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity out of yourself of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is going on inside you." (page 41)
I love lists. I love a simple, step-by-step explanation after I've heard the philosophical or spiritual basis for a practice. My mind just works that way, in lists, and -- when I am in pain -- it is much easier to pay attention to and absorb the meaning of a few simply written items on a short list than it is a long treatise.
Here is a list I made from the above qoute:
1. Focus attention on the emotions or thoughts that are causing you to suffer.
2. Accept that the suffering is there.
3. Let go of thinking about it, judging it, analyzing it, whining about it. ESPECIALLY avoid making an identity (like being a Victim; I have posted about this before) out of it.
4. Continue to observe the suffering. This is called being present, or staying in the Now.
I have found that #3, above, is not as easy as it sounds, and that is probably one of the reasons that Tolle has written an entire book rather than stopping with a four-item list. Later on in Chapter Two, Tolle begins to talk about the ego and how it loves to suffer because it loves to have an identity and loves to have something to fight against. The ego is what makes #3 so difficult. But I will save that discussion for my next post.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
Alchemy -- an ancient philosophical tradition practiced by sages who claimed powers such as the ability to turn base metals into gold or silver -- is mentioned by Tolle in chapter two of "The Power of Now." In the following quote (page 40), he explains how this early scientific method relates to his work in the present day:
"Sustained consciousness severs the link between [suffering] and your thought processes and brings about the process of transmutation...This is the esoteric meaning of the ancient art of alchemy:the transmutation of base metal into gold, of suffering into consciousness." (emphasis mine)
Isn't this the very essence of our work with chronic pain and the spiritual life? The steps we take away from our mind- and emotion-caused suffering toward consciousness and choice are our very own alchemical process. We believe that we can take the base metal of suffering and turn it into the gold of spiritual awareness and peaceful presence to what is.
Tolle tells us that we have the power, we are the alchemists:
"Let me summarize the process. Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is [suffering]. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it--don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity out of yourself of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is going on inside you." (page 41)
I love lists. I love a simple, step-by-step explanation after I've heard the philosophical or spiritual basis for a practice. My mind just works that way, in lists, and -- when I am in pain -- it is much easier to pay attention to and absorb the meaning of a few simply written items on a short list than it is a long treatise.
Here is a list I made from the above qoute:
1. Focus attention on the emotions or thoughts that are causing you to suffer.
2. Accept that the suffering is there.
3. Let go of thinking about it, judging it, analyzing it, whining about it. ESPECIALLY avoid making an identity (like being a Victim; I have posted about this before) out of it.
4. Continue to observe the suffering. This is called being present, or staying in the Now.
I have found that #3, above, is not as easy as it sounds, and that is probably one of the reasons that Tolle has written an entire book rather than stopping with a four-item list. Later on in Chapter Two, Tolle begins to talk about the ego and how it loves to suffer because it loves to have an identity and loves to have something to fight against. The ego is what makes #3 so difficult. But I will save that discussion for my next post.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
23 February 2012
"The Power of Now" and Pain: Bringing Resistance to Consciousness
Ninth in a series.
In my previous post and the one before it, I have been reflecting on this quote, and how it relates to pain management, from Chapter Two of Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now:
The [suffering] that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, resistance is some form of judgment. On the level of emotion, it is some form of negativity. (The Power of Now, page 33)
How do we bring our resistance to pain into consciousness? We must know when we are doing it, or we cannot change it: when we are not aware that we are resisting, the thoughts grab hold and exert immense power over us. Awareness is the key. Indeed, awareness is what Tolle is writing about through the entire book, that and ego.
By the way, I have found the work of Anthony deMello to be wonderful for teaching about awareness by showing us how asleep (as he says it) we are and guiding us with humor and compassion on the journey to greater awareness and greater love.
I have learned two ways to bring my inner resistance to the physical pain of the migraines to the conscious level:
1. Listen to my thoughts.
2. Pay attention to my body.
(You may have noticed that, whenever I make lists like this, they are very simple -- elemental, really. That's because the last thing I need or want when in pain is some complicated or intellectual system that only frustrates me and stresses me out because it's really hard to think when the pain is bad.)
So, back to the list.
LISTEN TO MY THOUGHTS
In reality, this is not as easy as it sounds. As Tolle says, we are generally so immersed in our thoughts and so much at their mercy and so habituated to being that way that we are completely unaware it's happening. So this pain management practice is really a spiritual discipline that must be practiced with deep and intentional attention. There is the topic for my next post!
PAY ATTENTION TO MY BODY
I have found this to be easier than listening to my thoughts, perhaps because I've been athletic most of my life. This step actually has three sub-steps:
a. Learn relaxation techniques. I have posted about this here and here and here.
b. Notice how various muscles and muscle groups feel when they are tense; feel the contrast with that relaxed sensation.
c. Use your deep muscle relaxation skills for both focusing on the specific muscles when they tense up due to pain AND practice your deep muscle relaxation whenever you feel pain approaching.
If you practice yoga or are otherwise athletic, you are likely to have an easier time with this step. And that leads me to the next point: it is only minimally effective to practice relaxation when the pain is upon you. Think of this more as a spiritual discipline or a lifestyle change, and then your tools will be handy and more natural when you reach for them while in pain.
Now it is time for me to practice what I preach and go take care of this migraine. May you be well and at peace today.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
In my previous post and the one before it, I have been reflecting on this quote, and how it relates to pain management, from Chapter Two of Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now:
The [suffering] that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, resistance is some form of judgment. On the level of emotion, it is some form of negativity. (The Power of Now, page 33)
How do we bring our resistance to pain into consciousness? We must know when we are doing it, or we cannot change it: when we are not aware that we are resisting, the thoughts grab hold and exert immense power over us. Awareness is the key. Indeed, awareness is what Tolle is writing about through the entire book, that and ego.
By the way, I have found the work of Anthony deMello to be wonderful for teaching about awareness by showing us how asleep (as he says it) we are and guiding us with humor and compassion on the journey to greater awareness and greater love.
I have learned two ways to bring my inner resistance to the physical pain of the migraines to the conscious level:
1. Listen to my thoughts.
2. Pay attention to my body.
(You may have noticed that, whenever I make lists like this, they are very simple -- elemental, really. That's because the last thing I need or want when in pain is some complicated or intellectual system that only frustrates me and stresses me out because it's really hard to think when the pain is bad.)
So, back to the list.
LISTEN TO MY THOUGHTS
In reality, this is not as easy as it sounds. As Tolle says, we are generally so immersed in our thoughts and so much at their mercy and so habituated to being that way that we are completely unaware it's happening. So this pain management practice is really a spiritual discipline that must be practiced with deep and intentional attention. There is the topic for my next post!
PAY ATTENTION TO MY BODY
I have found this to be easier than listening to my thoughts, perhaps because I've been athletic most of my life. This step actually has three sub-steps:
a. Learn relaxation techniques. I have posted about this here and here and here.
b. Notice how various muscles and muscle groups feel when they are tense; feel the contrast with that relaxed sensation.
c. Use your deep muscle relaxation skills for both focusing on the specific muscles when they tense up due to pain AND practice your deep muscle relaxation whenever you feel pain approaching.
If you practice yoga or are otherwise athletic, you are likely to have an easier time with this step. And that leads me to the next point: it is only minimally effective to practice relaxation when the pain is upon you. Think of this more as a spiritual discipline or a lifestyle change, and then your tools will be handy and more natural when you reach for them while in pain.
Now it is time for me to practice what I preach and go take care of this migraine. May you be well and at peace today.
I would love to hear from you. Please use the Comment link below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. Thank you.
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