My memoir: Nowhere Else I Want to Be

Things have changed since I last posted on this blog.

I have a new blog on my new website.

And I have launched my pre-order bid (for my memoir, see below*) on Inkshares, a hybrid of crowd-sourcing and traditional publisher. If I get 1,000 pre-orders, they will publish my memoir.

To read a chapter, learn more about the book and pre-order: click here.

*Nowhere Else I Want to Be is a memoir about ten of my seventeen years as Founding Executive Director of Miriam's House -- a residence for Washington, DC's homeless women with AIDS.

Hiatus

I haven't posted in over a month, so I thought I'd write a quick post of explanation. The fact is, I'm not sure where my blogging life is headed right now.

For one thing, I've started a new migraine treatment: botox injections. Thirty-one injections around the forehead, ears, neck and shoulders, every three months. I just had the second treatment a few days ago. The effect is cumulative, so if there is to be a benefit, it won't be apparent until after the second or third treatment. I really want this to work for me. It has proven to help about 80% of the patients on it.

But I'm nervous about becoming hopeful. Spending too much time imagining a freer life and what I could do with it may just give me a harder fall into disappointment if the outcome is negative. So it's hard to know what to post here, and I haven't had the energy lately to figure it out.

Secondly, I'm contemplating discontinuing this blog and beginning a new one more in line with my writing and publication plans. I'm working on my author's website now, and the new blog, if there is one, will come with the launch of that site.

Thirdly, I'm keeping busy writing and polishing several essays, hoping to get published some more. So far, excerpts from my manuscript have been published in the print literary journal, Soundings Review, and in the on-line journal, Jenny Magazine. Another is forthcoming in the on-line literary journal, bioStories.  The Chronicle for the American Chronic Pain Association published a short article in the December 2014 issue (here -- it's a downloadable pdf,). And I'm looking for an agent, which is time-consuming. In the meanwhile, I have plans to attend three writers workshops and conferences between now and the end of May.

Photo by William Marsh

So life is changing. Much of it is positive -- for that I am grateful. I'll keep you posted as to my next steps.


As always, thank you for reading my blog.

carold.marsh@gmail.com

How One Woman Faces Her Fears -- Lung Leavin' Day 2015

My blog has come to the attention of Cameron and Heather von St. James, whose cause is a cancer caused by asbestos: mesothelioma. Today's post supports their cause.

Heather von St James was diagnosed with pleural (lining of the lung) mesothelioma just after she gave birth to their daughter in 2005. She was given fifteen months to live. Among other treatments for the cancer, she had a lung removed. Her sister dubbed the day of that surgery, Lung Leavin' Day. This year, Heather, Cameron, their daughter, Lily Rose, and numerous family and friends will gather for their ninth annual Lung Leavin' Day celebration. On February 2, 2015, they will participate in a ritual of writing their fears on plates then smashing the plates into a bonfire.

Heather has survived a prognosis of fifteen months by seven-and-a-half years. During those years, she and Cameron have created an informative website/blog about mesothelioma, its causes and treatments. The blog aims to support caregivers and persons with cancer of all forms.

Some great posts:
     Four Tips for Caregivers During the Chaos of Diagnosis
     Cancer and Perspective: Hindsight is 20/20
     The Importance of Support for Cancer patients

I love the idea of writing our fears on a plate and then smashing it into a fire. It makes me wonder: what fears would I choose for the ritual if I were there?

Photo from freedigitalphoto.net

I'd write about the fear I have for a person beloved to me who had a bilateral mastectomy, and for others struggling with mental illness and/or addictions. For myself, I'd cast into the flames a fear I have that the migraines won't ever go away. Though my spiritual journey these past twenty years has been one of gaining peace and relinquishing fear, I have to admit that I'm not completely fear-free. I also know that if a friend or family member were to be diagnosed with cancer, fear would invade my peace and I would have to deal with it.

This ritual of smashing our fear into flames is wonderfully symbolic of what determination it takes to face cancer, other life-threatening diseases, and life itself. Here is a link to Heather's interactive website page on which you can virtually fling your fears into the fire.



Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.
 

The Power of Distraction

I have read that studies show people with migraine have less pain after they
exercise. So far, I haven't noticed that the pain is less. However, I have noticed that while I'm on the treadmill or the bike or working with my personal trainer, I'm not thinking about the migraine. If I push too hard, I'll get dizzy or have throbbing pain that reminds me I have a headache. But while I'm concentrating, the pain is pretty much forgotten.

When I get home and slow down, the migraine is back, sometimes worse than it was before I exercised. Yet my mood and sense of well-being have improved, so the trade-off seems worth it to me.

I'm lucky that there's now a YMCA three blocks away and I can afford the membership fee. And that I can save up enough to have two personal training sessions a year. For these things, I am so grateful. I don't take them for granted. (When the nearest Y was a bus-ride and ten block walk away and I was paying for tuition, I could neither get there nor afford it.)

All this is just to say that I'm now thinking of some of my pain management tools as distractions -- listening to Seinfeld and The Office DVDs, meditation and deep-muscle relaxation, listening to audio books on my Kindle.

What distracts you from your pain?


Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

What The Elderly Woman At the Y Said To Me

Today I was able, for the first time since spilling the beans (post of January 1), to put real clothing on. Naturally, I went to the Y.

I saw a woman this morning I've seen many times before. I guess she's in her seventies, but she's in such good shape she could be ten years older and you'd never know. I admire the vigor of her workouts, the disciplined way she goes about her stretches. She exudes health and well-being.

She happened to be next to me at one point, so I couldn't resist saying, "I really admire how in-shape you are."

She looked at me. "It's just doing what you're doing now, and don't stop."

Photo by William Marsh

She doesn't look like she has any disability like migraines or any of the other hidden diseases some of us have. She doesn't look depressed or anxious, or as though she has a mental or emotional challenge. Perhaps it was easy for her to say, don't stop. 

But I don't believe she's never had trouble to overcome, so I refuse to slip out of the challenge. I may never have calves that look like they were carved from granite, but by this time next year I am going to be in much better shape than I am now.

Finally, it doesn't have to be about going to the Y and getting in shape. Some of us have jobs and family and obligations. Some cannot afford it. Some have bodily or mental ills that keep us from doing what we want. But somewhere in our lives there is something challenging us to grow, to change, to evolve. It may be physical, mental or spiritual.

Never would I say it's easy. And overly simplified formulas like "don't stop" can make a truly depressed or ill person tear her hair out. I'm grateful I have the energy and mental focus to make the choice. My wish for all my readers is that they are able to find and commit to one thing - whatever it is - that causes them to make a decision not to stop.

Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Painful Poetry -- A Sonnet to Pain

Painful Poetry
Original if Awkward Attempts to Find Humor in Pain

A Sonnet to Pain (in the tradition of Shakespeare, more or less)

O! thou who fillst me daily overmuch

Photo by William Marsh

And of my life prov'st naught but hellish bane
Could I with craven visage find a crutch
wouldst I not forsake thee? Thy pure disdain
notwithstanding, I'd hie away and flee
thy fullsome clutch that harks of mythic lore.
Lo! of mortals, most joyous would I be
when 'pon thy fearsome form I look no more!
Yet thou in constant presence to me are,
ne'er moment am I of thy sense bereft.
So should'st I let thee alway this day mar,
Have I not learnt I, too, in ways am deft?
Yes! Triumph shall I o'er this mortal coil
and Fie! no longer let thee my life spoil.


Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

What I'm Not Trying To Do, What I Must Remember

I had a helpful conversation with friend and author David Hilfiker yesterday. It impels me to continue the theme of my last post - Desiring Peace Means Practicing Peace, in which I try to clarify my January 1 post about relinquishing inner peace to nothing and no one.

David reminded me that I have a diverse readership and that what seems obvious to me -- making the choice for inner peace -- can seem an insurmountable obstacle to another. Of course, that's the premise of my last post (Desiring Peace Means Practicing Peace, link above). But what David said prompted me to add another layer of clarification and reflection.

Yes, I've made the journey from chronic anxiety to increasingly present inner peace. Yes, there was a time when the tools I now use seemed so far out of my realm of possibility that though I knew about and wanted them, I could not practice them. And so, to a certain extent, I write as a means to shine some hopeful light into someone else's dark journey: I have been there, I understand, and here's what I have done to help myself out of that place.

David was not saying this is not a legitimate purpose for this blog. He was asking me to remember I have certain advantages that some don't have. As a person who lived sunk in clinical depression for many years, he knows that -- even though I attempt not to sound patronizing or as though it's all a simple matter of developing some good habits -- I risk leaving out those for whom just making a decision to try a new meditation or call a doctor can seem an insurmountable task.

As I reflect on what he told me, I want to acknowledge two things: one is that while I've had the kind of depression that naturally goes along with anxiety, I've not ever been as depressed as he was, nor do I have any of the other mental illnesses that can cause one to lose hope. The other is that I also have advantages of the material kind that others do not.

Photo  by William Marsh

The first is self-evident. I won't explicate. But the other is one that bears some discussion. I have a comfortable, safe place to live and a loving and supportive primary relationship. I don't work and it's a good thing my husband does because my disability payments, as grateful as I am for them, don't begin to cover the expenses of living in D.C. I have the immeasurable but unseen benefits of a life-time of good health care, good nutrition, economic security, a fine education, and an assured place in society due to my race and class.

My ability to choose inner peace today is in part predicated on these benefits. With my background in working for and with those less privileged than I and the compulsion I have to find a way to extend that background through my writing, it's only right that I remember and acknowledge this.


 Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Desiring Peace Means Practicing Peace

In case my most recent post sounded glib -- or at least short and without much explanation -- I want to write today about what needs to come after the decision to maintain inner peace.

I've used certain tools for long enough now that keeping or getting back to inner peace is a matter of taking a few deep breaths or removing myself from a situation for a while.

But there was a time when I very much desired inner peace, yet my inherent anxiety and acquired habits of worry and fear plunged me into turmoil despite that desire. I was driven and I knew I was driven. I hated it and could do nothing about it. There's a long story or essay here, but for now I want to acknowledge that acquiring inner peace is a journey. Depending on where you are on that journey, some blog post telling you to "relinquish your inner peace to nothing and no one" might seem patronizing and unhelpful. It would have to me.

The fact is that the second step on my journey to inner peace (the first step being desiring it) was to get myself on anxiety medication. That was a hard decision -- I'd always prided myself on not taking a lot of pills and over-the-counter medicines -- but my misery was so deep that ultimately I had no alternative. After the medication helped me become calmer, I found within me the resources to take the next steps on the journey: to discover and practice the methods and tools that allowed peace to grow.

Photo by William Marsh

I have posted a lot about those tools: meditation, reflective prayer, deep breathing, counted breathing, deep muscle relaxation, guided meditation, music, and small comfort measures. (You'll find links to these topics in the Labels list to the right.) They have sustained me through the loss of my work and active life to chronic migraine pain, as well as sorrows and difficulties for family and friends.

It has been a journey of many years. And there were times I despaired of myself and my inability to find the peace I longed for. So I would never say it's easy. Too much in our world and within ourselves mitigates against calm, quiet, ease and serenity. Yet it has been worth it. And I would not go back for anything.




Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Holiday Strategies -- Boiling Beans, Burns and Inner Peace

I often say I write this blog mostly for myself. That it seems sometimes to help or encourage others is gratifying, but I need it as much as anyone.

Case in point: I got first- and second-degree burns when I spilled a pot of boiling beans a couple days ago. The burned area extends from just below my rib cage to my upper thigh on my right side. The wounds are messy and they hurt. I can't wear any clothing except a caftan or nightgown. I can't go to the gym. Can't even walk my dog. And the nurse on the advice line said it may be two weeks until I am fully healed.

Yesterday I complained a lot about not being able to do anything. I was restless and unhappy. Then this morning I realized I had relinquished my inner peace to these burns on my stomach.

Photo by William Marsh

That boiling pots of beans has given me an opportunity to practice maintaining inner peace. What a great way to begin 2015.

Happy New Year to all of you.


Thank you for reading my blog. You can leave a comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Resource -- John Ratey's book about exercise and the brain

"Spark, The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain."

By John Ratey, MD.

I'm reading this book on the recommendation of a friend who is, at forty-something, exercising vigorously for the first time in her adult life. She's lost weight and seems lighter, somehow, and freer. A perfect testimonial for the book.

I'm only about half-way through, but find the mix of biology, physiology, and scientific research interesting and accessible to a lay person. Ratey writes about how exercise affects our brains and our thinking, and writes in detail about depression, stress, ADHD, addictions and anxiety.

Photo  by William Marsh

No mention yet of chronic pain specifically, yet a good bit of what he says applies to living with chronic pain, which is stressful and can make us depressed and anxious.

I started working out at the YMCA recently (this post), and find what Ratey says to be true for the benefits of my new exercise regimen. I have made a very slow start as I learn to accommodate migraine pain and allow my stamina to slowly increase, yet the benefits are there. It's helpful reading this book and discovering positive changes I had not been aware of.

In my next post, I'll share a bit about how it is to develop an exercise regimen despite chronic pain and from a very out-of-shape beginning point.


Thank you for reading my blog. You can leave a comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Holiday Strategies -- Inner Peace

I'm getting a migraine, so this post will be short and sweet.

The holidays bring with them a certain amount of chaos and confusion. It's easy to get drawn in, to lose one's inner peace struggling to do and be all that is expected: the perfect parent, daughter or family; the most fantastic gift; the best of everything.

Choosing inner peace over outward chaos is counter-cultural. Of all the many expectations and needs loaded onto Christmas, the ability to remain calm, centered and quietly joyful is not one of them.

Choosing inner peace over outward chaos can seem like indifference or ingratitude to those who expect or need us to buy into the 'shoulds' and the 'musts' and the 'it has to be this ways.'

Photo by William Marsh

So take a deep breath or three or ten. Keep up with your prayer and meditation times. Exercise when you can. Eat and drink moderately. Look around to see what is good and wonderful in your life regardless of season and holiday. Let gratitude fill you.

And relinquish your inner peace to nothing and no one.





Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Holiday Strategies -- Saying No

I started to write this post on stamina earlier this week. I didn't have the stamina to finish it.

I had the physical stamina -- only one really bad migraine day that kept me from the computer. I've even been to the gym twice, although I've had to modify exercise time and type to accommodate migraines.

What I didn't have was the emotional stamina. I have never just popped off a post without really thinking about it and trying to write well. Writers want to be present to and authentic in their writing and bloggers want to blog honestly and with integrity. So it takes emotional presence and patience to write a good blog post.

I just didn't have that this week.

It's an object lesson for this series on strategies for holidays.

All I can say is that I didn't force myself to post. Even though I thought I should keep up with the series I'd started. Even though I'm trying to create a platform as a writer and for that I should have  regular posts and a widely read blog.

Photo by William Marsh

That's a holiday strategy: I realized I was "should-ing" myself beyond what was right and possible for me. Then I allowed myself not to let the "should" push me.

Parties. Family stuff. Presents to buy and wrap. Baking. When we are unwell, whether in pain or in emotional distress or ill in some way, we cannot do it all.

The holiday strategy for today: it's OK to say no.


Thank you for reading my blog. You can leave a comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Holiday Strategies -- All I need

In a previous post, I wrote about Stuffy Santa Claus magic.

I get stuck, sometimes, in wanting the holiday to be 'special,' although I'm not sure I could say exactly what that means. But it makes for a niggling feeling, a recurring sense that something's not quite right. Or I suddenly become aware that I'm upset over something ridiculous. Something that has nothing to do with what is here, now, and ready for me to see:

Photo by William Marsh

That my life is blessed in so many ways.


That I don't need presents or a certain kind of tree or the perfect cookie or a fantastic holiday party because all I need is here, now, in this moment. As is all that brings me inner peace.

I love the memory of my Stuffy Santa Claus moment. I love it that my parents cared so much they went on an all-out search on Christmas Eve. That's how much they loved me, how much they wanted me to be happy.

I guess Stuffy Santa Claus magic isn't about having a Stuffy Santa Claus moment every year, or even ever again. It's about the love that made the magic happen for me when I was three years old.

That's all I need.


Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Resources -- My Essay in the Chronicle of The American Chronic Pain Association

Here's a link to the December 2014 Chronicle of The American Chronic Pain Association:

Chronicle

Click on "December 2014 Chronicle" to download the pdf.

My essay is on page 11, "Pain's Lessons Are Life Lessons."

And there's more:
* A series of articles about communication -- with your Health Care Providers and with your family and friends
* Review of the book, No It Is NOT In My Head by Nicole Hemmenway.

Enjoy!  

Thanks for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Holiday Strategies -- Stuffy Santa Claus Magic

(Second in a series of posts about holiday spirit and life itself. For all of us living with chronic pain, mental health issues, grief, less-than-functional families, and other unjoyous realities.)

My mother tells me I wouldn't say what I wanted for Christmas the year I was three. When I finally asked for a gift other than the "canny and ba'gums" that comprised my entire list, they tore through stores in a frantic search. It was late in December and what I wanted was inexplicably hard to find. They kept looking until Dad finally found it on Christmas Eve and brought it triumphantly home.

My"stuffy" Santa Claus.

He sat atop a cardboard chimney, in up to the waist with his fat red arms and black-mittened hands spread wide like he wanted a hug. He said "Ho ho ho," when I turned the handle on his back. I loved everything about him: the red felt suit, white fur lining, plastic black belt with its little gold buckle, hard-rubber head with its wavy white beard and open-mouthed smile. He was magic.



This must be the moment that came to define Christmas and holiday joy for me: a girl of three who really, really wants only one thing and ... there it is.



We go through life wanting to recreate the magic, don't we? Each with our own Stuffy Santa Claus moment. It happened once and will never, can never, happen again yet drives us into hopes and desires for years. That's poignant, isn't it? But it's a simple truth, and this blog is about life and pain and the reality that we must learn to deal with in order for our spirits to be free of our expectations and graspings.

If we don't recognize long-ago magic for what it is, we go into the holiday season looking for what will not be. And so we're vaguely frustrated, or we crash around trying to make things "perfect," or we try to get others to make the magic happen for us. We miss what's plain old good, the things that make for peace inside us.

What's your Stuffy Santa Claus moment?


Thank you for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Holiday Strategies

I've been having a rough time -- migraines have been bad and the occipital neuralgia is back after the final treatment 8 weeks ago -- and several people I love are struggling, too. But it's December. Part of me still believes I'm supposed to be and act happy for the holidays. I know I'm not the only one that can get stuck in that I'm-supposed-to-be-happy-but-I'm-not, yucky feeling.

I thought a series of posts about holiday strategies for people in pain might do us all some good. And if you have thoughts, ideas and strategies of your own, email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com. I'll include them in posts.

It's December, but physical pain still hurts. It's Christmas, or Hanukkah, but being unemployed is still awful. The holiday season approaches, yet depression, mental illness and addiction don't

magically go away. Families don't suddenly become functional. Loved ones that have died don't come back. Disease and illness stick around for the festivities.

 

Photo by William Marsh

Those are facts. I just needed to state them up front. Because this blog is not about pretending everything's fine when it isn't. It's about being honest with ourselves and one another. It's about acknowledging life's difficulties and tragedies as a first step to opening that smallest of breaks in the misery to allow our spirits to soar. If only for a moment.

This is the backdrop for this series of posts: the reality is that, holidays or not, life can be very, very hard.

From here, I'll just ruminate about that reality, offer strategies for cracking open the misery a bit, and welcome your ideas. 

Thank you for reading my blog You can leave a comment below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Little Things Make A Difference

When things are bad -- like last week, when I was in the midst of a series of bad migraines and people dear to me were struggling -- it's usually the little things that make the most difference.

Like having tiny bottles with a few flowers in each, scattered around the condo.

Photo by William Marsh

Like my sweet little dog.

Like a text message from a loved one, a hug we're not sure we deserve, a surprise gift of favorite cookies.

Pain can narrow our perceptions. Depression tells us we have nothing good around us. Chronic conditions of mental and physical health, a recurrence of a life-threatening illness, relapse into addiction, seem to encourage us to give up.

Mostly, we don't. Mostly, we keep going. How do we find the strength? From where does the courage come from to set one foot ahead of the other when things look really bleak?

Sometimes, it's the little things that help keep us going.


Thanks for reading my blog. You can comment below, or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Resource -- Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Super Anthletes and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen, by Christopher McDougall

As recent posts have indicated, I've joined the YMCA, signed up with a personal trainer, and established a routine of recumbent-bike workouts.

I'm not running. I'm not sure why this book -- Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Super Athletes and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen, by Christopher McDougall -- attracted me. But it did and I have been listening to it for the past few days.

Photo by William Marsh

There are so many things to love about this book. It's a fantastic story and McDougall tells it well. He has an accessible, descriptive and interesting style that does well with the topics and people he writes about. It's an amazing cast of characters mixed with science, history and evolution, and tales of long-distance running. There's more information here than you ever thought you'd need, especially if you are a non-runner like I am, and it's all fascinating.

Much of what he writes about fits my spiritual life, offers insight into living with chronic pain (not that he meant to do that), and encourages me in my new experiment with getting in better physical shape.

I've got a lot of posts coming. I can feel them in my fingertips.

More later.


Thanks for reading my blog. You can comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Strength for the Journey -- The Pain / Benefit Compromise

I wrote a week ago about beginning a new exercise regime with a personal trainer at the nearby YMCA. Two days a week, I have a thirty-minute session with Veronica, during which we work on my goals of (1) back and core strength; (2) upper body strength; and (3) flexibility. And although whatever migraine pain I have that day is one or two degrees worse when the sessions are over, I am really pleased with the results and the way I feel otherwise.

Photo by William Marsh

I think of this as the pain / benefit compromise.

Here's the background: We migraineurs are told to rest and stay quiet -- don't lift, don't bend over, don't get your heart pounding -- when we have a migraine. Activity of almost any kind makes our heads feel worse.

But I spent a few years resting and hoping staying quiet would decrease the severity and number of migraines I had per week. It did not.

Then, two years ago, when I threw my back out for the umpteenth time and finally got the MRI that diagnosed degenerating discs, I had to go to physical therapy or I ran the risk of ending up immobilized one day. And what I noticed about the physical therapy sessions was that, even though they made migraines worse, I felt better in other ways.

That experienced made me willing to try the training at the Y. And, three weeks in, I find it all confirmed. 

I have accepted the fact that I'll be in more pain when I'm finished a workout or training session because I know I will feel physically better, have more stamina, feel emotionally and spiritually better, and will be able to approach pain management both more positively and from a plateau of greater overall health.

The compromise is well worth it. What a relief.


Thanks for reading my blog. You can leave a comment below or email me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.

Strength For The Journey -- Exercise Regimen

Within the past month, I have joined the YMCA down the street and signed up for eighteen 30-minute personal trainer sessions. I thought I might blog about the process of getting into better shape, how it affects my pain (chronic migraine mostly, but also degenerating discs in my spine) and what it all means for life and spirit and body and me.

I'll blog about the usual things as well, but will post maybe once a week about how the new exercise regimen is going. I hope it's helpful and informative to others. Although the particulars of our lives with chronic pain (physical, mental, spiritual) vary, our responses to it are often rooted in the same things, like grief, vulnerability, frustration, self-esteem, and productivity, among others.

So here are a few random thoughts to begin the new series.

Photo by William Marsh

The Time Is Right

 I notice that I've had to purposefully let go of all the "why did I wait so long to do this" kind of thoughts, which are never productive or helpful, and focus on the "why the time is right" affirmations. For me, the timing has to do with (1) finishing my degree and freeing up time; (2) finishing my degree and freeing up money; (3) a couple years' regular practice with exercises to strengthen my back and core; (4) a YMCA opening up three blocks away; (5) recent treatments for occipital neuralgia pain.


The Bikes Have These Cool Videos
I cannot ride the upright bike because the posture exacerbates my back problems, so I'm really glad for the row of six recumbents near the windows up front. But the real excitement comes from the video bike rides through France that are programmed in the monitor. I can't tell you how excited I was when I discovered this feature, but I now have a habit of sending braggy texts to my husband: "Went biking this morning through the Col de la Colombiere."

My Personal Trainer Is Awesome
I've been leery of exercise because activity almost always makes my headache pain worse. But I've also noticed that purposeful exercise, like walking, improves my mood, which  makes the pain easier to take and helps my pain management practice. It's sort of a compromise, one I've become more willing to make. And Veronica makes the compromise so much more do-able. She keeps the pace slow, checks and double-checks my pain level, allows me as much time as I need to get over dizziness or throbbing pain, and tailors every moment of our time together to the realities of my physical capacities. Which are not impressive but which she accepts.


So far so good. More later.


Thanks for reading my blog. You can leave a comment below or email  me at carold.marsh@gmail.com.